Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
