I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
