So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize