1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
