I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
