i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
