Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
