he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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