dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
