ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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