I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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