Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Rumble strips road head = magical
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
