Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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