omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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