I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
