i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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