Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
