when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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