How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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