Did you just see the Batmobile???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
