John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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