Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
