My Higher Power is John Stamos
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I AM VODKA MAN
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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