i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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