I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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