Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
