she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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