Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need moral support for this bender
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
