and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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