Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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