Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
