I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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