its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
