Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
