do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
