They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
