If that was your dad, he is hot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
