does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
