I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
