she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
