Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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