Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
