i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
