Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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