My brain says no but my pants say off.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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