So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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