i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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