im holly from the hills drunk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
