I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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