I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
