Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
