I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
