Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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