the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
