Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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