Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
