I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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