We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
