apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
