Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
