were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
