So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A+ Viking dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
