I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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