It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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