I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
