Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
